Monday, January 02, 2012

and it begins again.

I can't believe it has been almost a year since I posted!  Whew.  How time flies.  I have decided that it is time to begin this blog again.    To chronicle my life.  To post about things that bring me happiness and sadness.  To keep it real.

So here goes:

Let's start with what has been my reality for the last couple of years.  I am not going to lie.  The last 2 years have been difficult for me. In fact, I have been in quite a funk. Lauren moved out in April 2010, Scott and Becky moved to Chicago in July 2010 and then got married 3 months later.  Lauren started dating Chris and is now married to him with a baby on the way.  Rob was traveling for his job.  A LOT.  I must admit that Rob's traveling did not bother me. More on that later.  What really threw me for a loop was that both of my children were grown adults living their own lives.  Though I knew they would always need me that need changed.  They no longer needed my input on every decision they made.  They no longer needed me to take care of them in the way I was used to.  I had never known a time in my adult life that did not involve intense mothering.  I married very young and began having children almost immediately.  In fact, I had 2 children by the time I was 22.  I was first and foremost a mother for 24 years.  It defined me.  I didn't know how to handle it when I was no longer in that caretaker role.  My role changed and it was super hard for me.  It changed me fundamentally.  I now only had to worry about taking care of myself.  Although that sounds nice it was more difficult than I expected.  I had to adjust to the fact that Lauren and Scott could take care of themselves and that I may not be involved in every aspect of their lives.  I also had to realize that Scott now had a wife and that it was her duty to take care of him (and his to take care of her).  The same is now true for Lauren and Chris.  I had to realize that they do still need me but in a very different way.  I am still a sounding board, a supporter, an advice giver but most importantly I am still their mom and the love we share will never change.  I have come to grips with this.  I am thankful that both Lauren and Scott have found love and are living happy and fulfilling lives.  After all, isn't that what all mothers want for their offspring?

Moving on to Rob's travel.  Please understand that I am an Army wife.  I am used to my husband being gone.  His business travel was (and still is) a fact of life and that is absolutely fine with me.  In fact, I enjoy the alone time that I have.  I have never had that.  Even when he was in the Army I had the kids.  I have not just been able to do whatever I wanted.  If I don't want to cook dinner, I don't have to.  If I want to run  around in a t-shirt and panties it is perfectly fine.  If I want to go to the movies after work it is ok.  I have gotten to go to some spectacular places to visit him while he travels:  San Francisco, Napa and Sonoma, New York City, Longwood Gardens in PA, the beach in Delaware and even to Detroit (not that Detroit is spectacular).  So travel is all right with me. 

I have decided that this year I will get out of the funk that I have been in.  I will stop worrying.  I will stop trying to control every situation.  I will stop feeling sorry for myself.  I will stop making excuses.  I WILL take control of my life again.  I will make time to be creative.  I will make more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends.  I will make new friends.  I will get healthy.  Once and for all.  I will enjoy my life.

2012 WILL be the best year yet! 

(after all, it is the year I will become a Grandma! Baby Boy Wools is due Feb. 24, 2012 and I can't wait!)

xoxo
K

1 comment:

em said...

I can't believe it's been a year!! Seriously...are you going to call me when you come to IL?? And for the love of Pete WHY won't your blog work in my blog reader!!??